


Afterlight

by what_the_buck



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Barnes - Freeform, Bucky - Freeform, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Character Study, Bucky Is Trying, Bucky and his Brain, Character Study, Marvel - Freeform, No Relationship, Other, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 21:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17988815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_the_buck/pseuds/what_the_buck
Summary: Bucky learns to cope with not being the same as he was Before.





	Afterlight

**Author's Note:**

> Just an experiment. Comment if you like it. or just a kudos. I appreciate any recognition at all. :)

It was no secret that Bucky had been a different person Before. It was no secret that Bucky was not one person, but rather a Before and an After photo, in which the Before photo is missing and the After photo is in pieces and nobody is quite sure how they fit together. If someone managed to find the Before and put together the After, it would barely matter because nobody would know it was the same person Before and After.

It may have been no secret that Bucky was different, but the pure effort that was put into staying the same were buried deeper. People knew of all the ways Bucky had been dehumanised and broken down and defeated, but nobody knew of all the ways Bucky had fought back and held onto his former self and had won against HYDRA, even if it was only in a small way that was important to nobody but him. Not even HYDRA knew he had won against them.

A small number of people knew Bucky had danced Before. A small number knew he had been flirtatious and extroverted and knew exactly where to put his feet to bring home a girl. Bucky had once known what to do with his hands and had known the hundreds of steps it took to have someone fall for you. Bucky had known the 1, 2, 3, controlled fall like the back of his hand. He had known lows and highs and turns and now he only knew lows. Bucky had known what it meant to lift someone up and support them and now Bucky struggled to even remember the ones he had raised above the waterline

Bucky may not have known what it meant to be graceful and confident and free anymore, but he knew what it meant to be Human. HYDRA could strip Bucky of everything. They could strip him of his women, his dancing, his clothes, his knowledge, his sanity, his freedom. They could never stop him from being a human. They could never take away the depth of his eyes, behind which a flirtatious and extroverted man screamed for control and mercy. Behind which a mother, exhausted and sweaty but so, so beautiful, pushes a screaming baby into the world. Nothing could take that barest essential piece of Human away from him. Bucky could take a new After photo. He didn’t need the broken pieces Steve so desperately looked for and pasted back together. This was (him) Now. 

I think, therefore I am. Bucky could think. Bucky could Be, and if Bucky could Be, then by God he could Become.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment if you like it. or just a kudos. I appreciate any recognition at all. :) Please


End file.
